sorry

It has been a long time since I left
Since then, I have thought of you as my past.
You, however, continue to reach out
Undeterred by the walls I have put up.
Do I like, or resent your trying?
This faith that there is, and can be a us?
An instance of your innocence
That conforms to the image in my mind.
A boy saying his prayers before bed
Eyes shut tight, face tense with concentration.
Is this the same man I am grateful to?
You smiled at me curled up against your chest,
Looked at me with desire in your gaze.
Taught all my life that nothing is my due,
What I feel the most is gratitude.
Thank you, thank you for making love to me.
I woke that night, and all because of you
I am indebted to you, but oh,
I am not in love. I do not love you.